1. Play games you don’t know.
2. Chase your losses.
3. Gamble with your winnings.
4. Play when you’re drunk.
5. Don’t set a session limit.
6. Expect to win every time.
7. Bet on Red if Black has come up four times in a row.
My friend Joe runs a casino. Business has been slow lately, and he’s hoping that he can pull in a few punters by giving these top tips. Go ahead, make Joe happy!
1. Roulette and Blackjack are popular, but where’s the fun in that? There are loads more games out there. Who cares that you don’t know how to play? Half the fun is in learning on the job. And if you lose a lot of money in the process, you’ll make Joe happy! Sure, online casinos allow you to play for free and give you practice credits so you can try out any game without risking your cash, but that’s not real gambling is it? Take your bankroll and blow it on Video Poker. Jacks or better? 100 play Power Poker? Who knows what they are? Doesn’t matter – Joe wants you to play.
2. If you’ve started with a bankroll of $500 and you’ve already lost $450, you’re not going to get it back by stopping! Bet that last 50 and try to win back your losses. And if you lose that 50, buy some more chips. Doesn’t matter how much you’ve already lost, you can’t stop now – you’re not a quitter, are you? Joe hates quitters.
3. So you’ve been lucky and you’re up on the night. You brought $500 and now you’re on $1000. Now’s your chance to get back at Joe. Think of all those times you’ve left a loser. Now you’re playing with Joe’s money. That $500 isn’t profit, it’s revenge! Why walk away with $500 when you could gamble it all and take away $1000. Never mind that talk about the House Edge – Joe’s panicking. He knows you’re about to wipe him out. Keep gambling!
4. Those sexy waitresses aren’t just doing their job – they really fancy you. You, more than anybody else in the casino. And when they offer you free drinks, it’s not to get you drunk, it’s because they want to loosen you up for later. Keep drinking, keep flirting, keep gambling – Joe wants you to have a good time. And if you’re gambling at home, you’ll need that genuine casino experience. Open up a bottle of your favourite hard liquor, have a glass or two, then buy a few more chips and just go for it!
5. Joe thinks of everything. When you’re in his casino, you’re transported to a world of wonder and mystery. Do you wonder what time it is – it’s a mystery! That’s because Joe wants you to focus on your gambling. Nothing else matters, and he’ll do everything he can to ensure you don’t get distracted by annoying things like sunrise! Just keep betting, even when you’re tired and weary and drunk. Joe says you make your best decisions when you’ve been playing for 12 hours. Some gamblers set strict time limits on their sessions and only gamble for 2 hours at a time before taking a break. What are they, wimps?! Joe hates wimps.
6. Every one of your sessions should be a winner. It doesn’t matter how much you’ve lost so far, eventually, you’re bound to win. Joe says keep gambling until that happens.
7. In Roulette, the odds of Red and Black are 50 – 50 (forget the 0, that doesn’t count!) So the probability of Black coming up four times in a row is 1 in 16. Joe says the chance of it being Black again is 1 in 32, so the chance it’s going to be Red must be 31 in 32. You’d be a mug not to believe Joe on this one. Gambler’s Fallacy? That’s just loser talk. You’re not a loser are you?
Joe thanks you for reading his top tips for casino gambling. Follow these and you’ll keep Joe – and all casino owners – very happy indeed!
Andy Follin owns Fortune Palace, an eCOGRA ‘reputable casino gambling portal’ that has the most exciting online casino games, tried and trusted gambling strategies and casino reviews of the very best online casinos. The site also includes a detailed online casino deposit guide, indexed by casino and method.